Thankful

I love my life. I know I can be whiny, grumpy, impatient, and ungrateful a lot of the time due to the stresses of everyday life, but I really do LOVE my life. I'm one of the lucky ones who has a life that she imagined from childhood. I just always wanted to be a wife and mother and to serve my Heavenly Father in the best way possible. Some days I feel like I'm a failure, but most days I feel like I do a pretty good job balancing everything.

A friend of mine is delivering a still born baby today. A student of mine had a heart transplant 4 years ago and is now in rejection. And I COMPLAIN? Sure, I've had trials, but you know that saying "If everyone threw their trials in a big pile, you'd want to pick your own back up"? Yeah, that's how I feel today. Thankful. Grateful. Loved. Blessed. Happy.

Kicking my trash

I just have to get it out and then I'll be fine. So, if you don't want to read my whining, you can click away from my blog right now and I will not be offended. Otherwise, prepare yourself. I have to document this, because my blog is my journal!

Emmeline is nearing 18 months old and she is seriously the reason for the title of this blog post. In one day she:

*launched herself out of her crib (she did a full on flip by the looks of how she landed!) at 6:00am - she wakes up at 5:45 on a regular basis (but today it was 5:15)

*played in the toilet several times because she can open almost any door in the house

*can reach the counter, so she pulled a whole stack of the kids' school work onto the ground and stomped on it as if to say, "Haha! Look what I did!"

*emptied every drawer/cupboard in the house that she could reach and didn't have a child lock on it

*unplugged the vacuum about 40 times while I was trying to vacuum one room

*chewed up several crayons when I put her in her high chair to color

*managed to find a pen somewhere and write on her clothes

*ruined a tube of lipstick, and got it on her clothes

*unloaded the silverware in the dishwasher faster than I could load it

*climbed up onto the TABLE several times and did a little dance

*escaped out the front door and was down the street before I knew it

*took a 45 minute nap (that's it..in a day if I am lucky!)

These are just the things I remember! Holy moly. I had SOOOOO forgotten what the toddler stage was like. With Noah and Mia I think it was easier in a lot of ways because they entertained each other. Not that they never had these same "curiosity issues", but I guess I have just forgotten how busy these little people are. It's a DARN good thing she is so cute. It keeps her alive! ;)

I think all of this is compounded by the fact that I wasn't working when my others were this little. That's the OTHER reason for the title of this post. During the summer our school had a lot of changes. We have a new head of school AND a new principal. This has meant a lot of changes for the school AND the teachers. During August and September I worked 12 hour days for JUST my job. I almost quit. Several times. It has eased up a bit, but I'm still not sure from day to day how long I will be here. I have worked WAY too hard raising my little family to just put them on the back burner now. (Besides the fact that it goes against everything in me...) So we will see how long I am here. I think I am finding a balance and managing it better every day.

Now for the POSITIVE part of this post. I have SO much to be thankful for.

#1 - I have the gospel of Jesus Christ. I could never survive without this! He is my friend, my brother and my Savior. I love teaching my Relief Society sisters about him and his teachings once every month. I love reading scriptures as a family. (It's getting fun now that everyone can read and discuss!)I love hearing my kids say prayers. I love having the Spirit in our home.

#2 - I have a fantastic, supportive, loving husband who is my #1 cheerleader in everything I do. I am so lucky I have him! He encourages me when I'm down and reminds me how great I am (even when I'm not!).

#3 - I have fabulous kids. They really are great. They are helpful and for the most part, they do what they are asked. They are smart, responsible and loving. I am so lucky they chose to come to our family!

#4 - A good friend of mine has helped me to see that I need to find JOY in every single day. As I've started to look for it, I'm finding that it's pretty easy. That means I have a good life.

Little things that make me smile and bring joy to my heart:

*seeing my kids smile when they see me waiting for them at the bus stop after school

*listening to Emme sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" (i'll try to catch it on video and post. SO darling.)

*reading to my kids at night

*watching Jaxon's football games every week

*watching Dallin in the PVMS marching band

*listening to Mia tell me who had their card changed in class today, what they did to deserve it, who was hurt on the playground, who didn't turn in their homework and every other little detail of her day. She's such a girl!

*watching Noah advance to a purple belt in karate

*listening to all four of the older kids practice piano every day even though sometimes it's a fight...

And so, my struggles and great rewards continue. I'm trying to do better at finding joy in the journey instead of just surviving every day. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there. I love this crazy, chaotic life and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

This boy

Now that I'm back from "life interrupted" (AKA August and September and half of October...) I thought I'd share this cute Jaxon boy's birthday interview. He turned 10 years old on August 18th, right after I stopped blogging for the quarter. ;) He is such a great kid. He's kind to others, and had a hard time completing this interview because he doesn't like to "brag" about himself. I remember holding him as a three week old infant in my arms when the news of 9/11 hit. He was such a comfort to me after such a tragic miscarriage at 20 weeks along and a devastating national horror. I love you, Jax.

Favorite Food: Tacos
Favorite Treat: Cinnamon Rolls
Favorite Activity: Football
Friends: Devin, Daniel, Taylor, Lorenzo, Solomon, Zachary, Andrew
Favorite Book: There's a Boy in the Girl's Bathroom!
Favorite Movie: Forever Strong
What I am good at: Football, Math and Language Arts
What I am not good at: being mean
If I could meet a famous person who would it be: Clay Matthews
When I grow up I want to be: Professional Football Player (NFL)
If you could change anything about yourself what would it be: nothing
What I like best about myself: I'm funny :)
My goals: To not get a homework note this year, to go on a mission, go to BYU, to be a pro football player, to be a dad, and make fun of the Utah Utes ;)
What would you be sad if you lost: my family and friends
If I had one wish what would it be: To go to the Superbowl

May Madness

May was such a crazy month and with Grandma's funeral thrown into the mix, not much was posted, so here's a recap.

Noah performed in his first grade program (but all the pics were really crappy.)


We spent many nights at the Washington City baseball fields. Jaxon actually got to pitch one night and he was SO excited. I love watching this boy play! (Sorry, crummy quality on the pics, I know. I only have a point and shoot camera.)



Grandparents came to watch too!


Mia and Emmeline both had birthdays. I posted about Mia's birthday, but not Emme's. We had the family come for dinner and a party, but the birthday girl just couldn't stay awake. It was too cute!

Grandpa sure loves this little girl.


And so does her momma.


We tried to wake her up to open her presents, but it just wasn't happenin'.


It's my party and I'll sleep if I want to!


The kids had fun opening her gifts...


And Emme slept on.




Next came Mia's Kindergarten graduation. This was a hard day for me, but she looked so cute. My big girl!






Dallin had his final band concert of the year, but we (that means I) forgot the camera. :( (BLAST!)

And Dallin performed with Kirt and "Lieto!" for their end of year concert.






And of course, we musn't forget Dance Recital!




Whew. Well, there you have it. May in a nutshell.

Looking backward...

Crumbum. There are a very few things I'm good at, and a LOT of things in my life that need improvement. I found my old journal yesterday. The one that Kirt and I received as a wedding gift. I wrote in basically every time I had a baby. (Yes, I have like 23 pages for 15 years of marriage.) That is, until I started this blog. The good thing? I blog more than I wrote in that journal. The bad thing? I REALLY need to do better. Significantly better. And my next goal is to have books made of each year of blog posts. (Can anyone recommend a website for this??)

Anyway, back in APRIL,(EESH)I guess I didn't post pics of Easter Sunday. The kids looked so cute. I love the boys' ties. :)

Hooper of my Youth

My wife's grandmother passed away and we went to Ogden for the funeral. While there I had a chance to stop by Hooper as we were staying with my cousin near there. I took the kids with me and we all went to the school where I went until 5th grade. We went by the church I attended as a child. We went by the park that used to have a wicked high metal slide and was where Pres. Reagan came to Hooper. I find it interesting that the name of the school is Hooper School. Apparently there is only one school there.
















Of course the kids had to get their pictures done also. I have seen a picture of myself sitting in the circle, like the one below of Jaxon. I have lots of memories of this school. Its where I learned lots of different things, like how to fight... (Jason Harrop).


Those circular windows were always fun to play in. Wow what memories! I also had the chance to take the kids to the old house at 5878 S. 5100 W. We stopped and looked around a bit. The trees of my memories are long gone, both from the front yard and the side yard by the Link's. I had a chance to stop and knock on Sis. Link's door also. We had a great chat about life and I was able to show off my children to her, such a sweet lady. I took a picture of the house too.


At the end of that cinder block wall on the north side of the garage, I found and showed off to my kids, the cement that had my name etched into it, along with Paula, Alan, Matt, Shiree and Jer. I can't remember if Jason was in it as well but...oh well. This is exactly the house I remember growing up in. Dad and I installed that aluminum siding following my mission. *Sigh* I am getting old enough to have"good ol'days!" Crazy.

I PASSED!

Last night I looked my results up for the Praxis test that I had to take. I passed! Woot Woot! (Don't ask my kids about the crazy dance I did around the house...)

This may not come as a surprise to YOU, but I am finally feeling some relief. I have never been one of those who does really well taking tests. In fact, I would argue that I have test anxiety. I can recall all kinds of information when I'm in a conversation with someone, but it all flies out the window when a test is put in front of me. ESPECIALLY when there is serious pressure (you know, pass this test or you can't keep your job pressure).

I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for helping me remember and recall answers to be able to pass this test. I know it was through His help that I passed!

Tired

I've been burning the midnight oil studying for this big Praxis test I had to take to get my Level 2 teaching license. Mid-May I found out I needed to take it ASAP, so I signed up to take it on June 11th. The problem? No time to study...until last week! So, I've crammed for about 2 weeks now and am hoping it pays off. Today after I got home from taking the test, I collapsed. I slept for 3 hours. I still feel yuck. I'm so beyond tired. I feel pretty good about the test itself. It had 120 questions and I had only 2 hours to complete it, but I think I did alright.

Right now though, I am feeling like a runner who takes off as fast as possible at the beginning of the race and loses steam halfway through. I still have Girls Camp next week, a Common Core class the next week and THEN I can have a summer...

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight.

Summer haircuts

Kirt and the boys shaved their heads at Christmastime in support of one of the 5th grade students at their school who was battling cancer. They loved it so much that they begged for the haircut again when school was out. One day I was busy working away on my computer in the basement and I came up to find a bunch of bald boys. Kirt had shaved all their heads! Oh well. It's summer and at least now I don't have to bug them to comb their hair every day. :) If only I could talk MIA into that, right? Haha...just kidding.

Summer project #1

There are three summer projects that I want to complete this year. Since Kirt has the summers "off" (haha- loose term) I can't let him get bored, so I have to put him to work! Here are the summer projects:

1. Finish toy room
2. Help the boys build a doghouse for Ruby
3. Clean out storage room, build more shelves in and move ALL food storage from the garage down to the storage room. (Yes, that's a BIG one!)

A few months after we moved into this house, we found mold in one of the bedrooms downstairs. Oh, how I wish I had pictures. Luckily, it was slated to be the "toy room" so the toys have just been wherever since we ripped the drywall, carpet, etc. out of the room. We had the drywall fixed last summer, but Kirt and I could never agree on what type of flooring to put back in, so it has remained unfinished. He wanted carpet and I wanted to do stamped concrete with a cute "toy room" rug. Today, Mr. Fantastic (AKA Kirt :) completed summer project #1! We finally agreed on this:
I love how it turned out! It's really fun and colorful, which is what I was aiming for with the flooring.

We even removed the closet doors so that we could put the play kitchen and dress up box in there. It added to the sq. footage of the room!

Kirt had to replace all the baseboards before we put the foam down. (Thanks for helping George!) Now we just have to haul the toys and books all back into the toy room, but not until I de-junk it!

Mia's favorites

Emme wasn't the only birthday girl in May. Mia turned 6(going on 16!)and we attended Grandma's funeral on her birthday. She was a good sport about it though. We let her open several presents in the car on the way home. I saw this on a friend's blog and asked Mia to answer these questions about herself:
Favorite Food: "Blueberries, Strawberries and Macaroni"
Favorite Treat: "Hershey's white bar" (Cookies and Creme)
Favorite Activity: "Have lemonade sales in the summer"
Friends: "Pyper, Laney, Lizzie, Maddie, Lily, Breanna"
Favorite Book: "Pinkalicious: School Rules"
Favorite Movie: "Barbie: A Fairy Secret"
What am I good at: "Dance and Math and I'm going to like piano"
What am I not good at: "I'm not good at sports."
If I could meet a famous person who would it be: "Hannah Montana"
When I grow up I want to be: "A dentist"
If you could change anything about yourself what would it be: "Change my eyes violet and I'd like my tooth to grow in fast."
What I like best about myself: "That I'm good at math."
My goals: "I want to help kitties in trees and I want to help pick apples, and I want to help my grandma, and I want to eat a whole batch of watermelon...oh, and I want to learn how to get my hair done!"
What would you be sad if you lost: "My Zhu Zhu puppy"
If I had one wish what would it be: "To be like you!" (Aww! Melt my heart!)

It's FUN to be ONE!

Our sweet little Emmeline turned one a couple of weeks ago! With all the "May" excitement around here (you understand if you have kids in school) and working full time, I'm behind the eight ball on blogging, so forgive me as I catch up. Now that work has slowed down, I'm going to try daily posts for awhile!

At her 12 month Dr. appointment here were her stats:
~24.5 lbs. (95th percentile!)
~30.5 inches (85th percentile!)
Here are some of the fun things she is doing lately:
~stink bug crawling on the tile and wood to avoid knee contact with the floor
~starting to walk all over, about 6-8 steps at a time
~says "mama", "dada" and "uh-oh"
~blows the cutest (and slobberiest)raspberries ever :)
~doesn't nap much, but sleeps all night
~drinks well from a sippy cup
~will try any food, but will blows raspberries and spit it out if she doesn't like it
~loves berries...all kinds!
~still loves her binky
~does NOT like to be put in her bed awake but likes to be rocked to sleep (oops, my fault!)
~If you say, "Give me a kiss!" She makes the CUTEST face where she raises her eyebrows, tightens her lips into a toothless smile, and makes a kissing noise...ADORABLE!

I am so thankful for this little angel. She is such a blessing in my life. I am very happy I will have her to keep me company since Mia will be going to school ALL day this year! This mom wasn't ready for that. I like having little buddies at home. We love you, Emme doll!

Grandma's Story - Conclusion

After the phone call from Uncle Gary, the phones stopped. The room became quiet, except for the DVD that was playing. A DVD of 1600 pictures put to music. Pictures from Grandma’s life. Grandpa’s life. OUR lives. Her pride and joy. Her love. Her family.

I encouraged Dallin to say something to Grandma, but he shook his head. All of a sudden I could see my little three-year old boy in there. The three-year old boy that loved his “Grandma Great”. He was scared. He didn’t want her to die. I could see the love and the hurt in his eyes. I hugged him. I held him. I told him it was OK if he didn’t say anything. She knew he was there. And she knew he wanted to tell her how much he loved her. I have no question about that.

About 5 or 10 minutes passed, and I thought it was about time for us to go. As I looked back at Grandma to say goodbye, I noticed a tear streaming down her cheek! Uncle Kirk broke down, as he wiped it away. Then she started to OPEN her eyes. Jody called for Grandpa, who was almost asleep in a chair at the back of the room, and he hopped up out of that chair faster that I have EVER seen him move in my entire life! Dallin and I quickly moved out of the way, and Grandpa took his place by her bedside. She didn’t try to talk, just puckered her lips to give Grandpa one final kiss. He told her it was OK to go and she closed her eyes and slipped away.

It was a picture perfect ending to her life, really. Surrounded by loved ones, with Grandpa right by her side. Who doesn't want to go that way? The next scene was one I was not prepared for. I guess I never really thought about it. I don’t know why, but when I watched my grandpa sob and sob over her bedside, I lost it. COM-PLETE-LY. I was at peace with Grandma’s passing, but to watch my Grandpa experience pain, hurt and sorrow like that was more than I could bear at that moment.

When Dallin and I returned home, I told Kirt the news, and then I curled up on his lap and bawled like a baby. I got mascara ALL over his shirt and he didn’t even care. I thought was at peace, but I guess I still had some grieving to do. It’s still hard for me to grasp the concept of someone being here with us one minute and gone the next.

I am so thankful for the knowledge that we will be together as eternal families! This gives me great peace and brings much joy to my heart. My grandma lived a wonderful life and was always giving some kind of service. She taught me many things and was a wonderful mother, grandmother and great grandmother. She leaves behind such an amazing legacy. I truly hope I can be as wonderful of a woman as she is. I love you, Grandma.

Grandma's Story Part 2

That brings us to this week. Work and kids' schedules were crazy Monday so I didn't get over to see Grandma until Tuesday. She was sleeping and continued to sleep all day. Grandpa and Jody said they were convinced it was her time to go. Her oxygen levels were down, her blood pressure was low, and she had a temperature, but she was still breathing on her own. A few people called while I was there and sweet Grandpa blubbered every time someone called and he had to talk to them. (I think I get my blubbering from him. :) Grandpa decided all his kids needed to know that if they wanted to see Grandma, they needed to come now. I left and went home to feed the troops, but couldn't get it off my mind, so I went back later that night. My mom and dad were there and I took my younger sister Callie with me. Grandpa had sent Jody home to bed. We visited with Grandpa for awhile, laughed as my dad provided some comedic relief (wheeling himself around in the wheelchair and teasing poor Grandma, "You can't catch me now! Come on, just try!") and then my parents decided to leave. Grandpa was waiting for my uncle and his family to get there so I decided to wait with him. I didn't want him to be alone. This was one of the BEST decisions I have ever made.

As we talked, he told (I mean blubbered to..)me that Heavenly Father had shown mercy on him and blessed him by taking Grandma this way. He told me of the agony it caused him to think of taking her to a care center. He cried and prayed for many nights over it. He said he had slept very little because of it. He told me he was at peace and that Heavenly Father needed her on the other side now. We shared deep, meaningful conversation about the plan of salvation and other gospel topics. We looked through scrapbooks and laughed and cried together as we shared memories. It was truly a treasure. Some people don't get that kind of an experience EVER. In their whole life! Man, I felt blessed.

I left after Uncle Kirk and family arrived. I didn't sleep much that night, knowing that the time for Grandma to leave us was very close. A few days at most.

Dallin, my 13 year old, was very close to my Grandma and Grandpa Smith. They used to come pick him up a few times a week after I had Jaxon, so I could sleep and recover from childbirth. They did the same after I had Noah. They would take him to their house and put puzzles together, play games, go for walks. Dallin had been begging to go and visit Grandma in the care center, but she looked bad. Really bad. Not like herself. (Not wearing her wig, etc.) That's not how I wanted him to remember her, so I kept telling him no. Wednesday morning,(May 4th) after he had already left for school, I decided that if he wanted to see her, I shouldn't deny him that closure. I called his school and asked them to have him call me. When he did I asked if he was still sure he wanted to go and see Grandma. He said yes. I think I asked three times. He said he was positive. I told him I would pick him up after school and take him to see her.

When I picked him up that afternoon, I felt it only fair to warn him about her appearance. (I had already sat the kids down and told them that she wasn't going to last much longer...) He said he would be fine. We arrived at the care center to find Uncle Kirk, Aunt Annalisa, Aunt Jody and Grandpa already in the room. We took a seat by Grandma's bedside, and I could tell that her breathing was slower. Deeper. I said a prayer in my heart that I was not ruining my child by letting him see his dying great grandmother. I felt reassured that I was doing the right thing. Dallin teared up and looked at me. He asked if she was in pain and I told him she wasn't. The phones were ringing like crazy. Kirk's phone, Grandpa's phone, Jody's phone. Off the hook! Grandkids were calling in to tell Grandma they loved her. It was quite a sight to behold. Kirk was lovingly holding the phone up to her ear each time someone wanted to tell her they loved her. One of the last calls was from Uncle Gary. He was unable to make the trip down to see her because of a medical condition, but he called and read his Mother's Day card to her. It included a poem and she made a few responsive noises while he was reading. I'm SURE she could hear him.

Part 3 and conclusion tomorrow...

Grandma's Story

(*DISCLAIMER to my family-This is my side of a story that I'm sure has many sides. Please don't be offeneded if you heard something different, as I know there could be many perspectives into this event.*)

Part One

I never want to forget yesterday. Ever. It had such a profound impact on the meaning of my life. It was one of the best days I've ever experienced and one of the worst. It's a day I never want to experience again, though I most likely will.

Rewind. My Grandma Smith has had Alzheimer's for about 4 1/2 years now. The last year and a half she has gone downhill very quickly. There have been days where my grandpa calls me crying that he can't take it anymore. My dad has spent countless hours over at their house just to keep Grandpa sane. I have taken dinner to them once a week for the past year and made many visits, some with my kids, some without to act as a diversion. It's tough to deal with someone who's memory is failing. Really tough.

A couple months ago Grandpa finally decided it was going to drive them both to the grave if he didn't put her in a care center. He just needed a break. Understandable. He needed to be able to go and be with her, but then leave and have some peace of mind that she was taken care of without having to battle about whether he was REALLY her husband or not and other things like that.

Right after all the paperwork was complete to have her admitted to the care center, but before it had actually taken place, Grandma broke her arm. She was trying to open the sliding glass door at home and when she used a fair amount of force, her arm just snapped. Weird, right? Until you hear how this plays out.

Grandpa took her to the hospital, where she stayed for a few days. Then, the doctor recommended she be moved to Kolob Rehabilitation and Care Center. This was such a blessing. Can you imagine trying to take your companion of 60 years, dump him/her at the door of a care center and saying, "I'll come visit when I can!" That's what my grandpa was struggling with. Heavenly Father blessed him by opening the door for a smooth transition into the care center.

Grandma soon accepted her new room as "home". Grandpa brought in some pictures and hung them on the wall and made it quite homey. She was in some pain because of her arm, but the staff did a good job keeping her comfortable and on the road to recovery.

Aunt Jody came to stay and help Grandpa. Soon they noticed that she was declining. Physically, there was nothing wrong with her, except her broken arm. Last week, on Tuesday or Wednesday, she talked about the "light" and called out to her "Mom and Daddy", who are both deceased. There was some questioning as to if she was going to give up her fight, but physically she was still doing well. My mom, younger sisters and I had planned to go to Women's Conference at BYU for the weekend, so even though we were a little concerned there was a chance she might pass away, we went. We knew she'd want us to. :)

That brings us to this week. Work and kids' schedules were crazy Monday so I didn't get over to see Grandma until Tuesday. She was sleeping and continued to sleep all day. Grandpa and Jody said they were convinced it was her time to go. Her oxygen levels were down, her blood pressure was low, and she had a temperature, but she was still breathing on her own. A few people called while I was there and sweet Grandpa blubbered every time someone called and he had to talk to them. (I think I get my blubbering from him. :) Grandpa decided all his kids needed to know that if they wanted to see Grandma, they needed to come now. I left and went home to feed the troops, but couldn't get it off my mind, so I went back later that night. My mom and dad were there and I took my younger sister Callie with me. Grandpa had sent Jody home to bed. We visited with Grandpa for awhile, laughed as my dad provided some comedic relief (wheeling himself around in the wheelchair and teasing poor Grandma, "You can't catch me now! Come on, just try!") and then my parents decided to leave. Grandpa was waiting for my uncle and his family to get there so I decided to wait with him. I didn't want him to be alone. This was one of the BEST decisions I have ever made.

As we talked, he told (I mean blubbered to..)me that Heavenly Father had shown mercy on him and blessed him by taking Grandma this way. He told me of the agony it caused him to think of taking her to a care center. He cried and prayed for many nights over it. He said he had slept very little because of it. He told me he was at peace and that Heavenly Father needed her on the other side now. We shared deep, meaningful conversation about the plan of salvation and other gospel topics. We looked through scrapbooks and laughed and cried together as we shared memories. It was truly a treasure. Some people don't get that kind of an experience EVER. In their whole life! Man, I felt blessed.

I left after Uncle Kirk and family arrived. I didn't sleep much that night, knowing that the time for Grandma to leave us was very close. A few days at most.

Dallin, my 13 year old, was very close to my Grandma and Grandpa Smith. They used to come pick him up a few times a week after I had Jaxon, so I could sleep and recover from childbirth. They did the same after I had Noah. They would take him to their house and put puzzles together, play games, go for walks. Dallin had been begging to go and visit Grandma in the care center, but she looked bad. Really bad. Not like herself. (Not wearing her wig, etc.) That's not how I wanted him to remember her, so I kept telling him no. Wednesday morning,(May 4th) after he had already left for school, I decided that if he wanted to see her, I shouldn't deny him that closure. I called his school and asked them to have him call me. When he did I asked if he was still sure he wanted to go and see Grandma. He said yes. I think I asked three times. He said he was positive. I told him I would pick him up after school and take him to see her.

When I picked him up that afternoon, I felt it only fair to warn him about her appearance. (I had already sat the kids down and told them that she wasn't going to last much longer...)He said he would me fine. We arrived at the care center to find Uncle Kirk, Aunt Annalisa, Aunt Jody and Grandpa already in the room. We took a seat by Grandma's bedside, and I could tell that her breathing was slower. Deeper. I said a prayer in my heart that I was not ruining my child by letting him see his dying great grandmother. I felt reassured that I was doing the right thing. Dallin teared up and looked at me. He asked if she was in pain and I told him she wasn't. The phones were ringing like crazy. Kirk's phone, Grandpa's phone, Jody's phone. Off the hook! Grandkids were calling in to tell Grandma they loved her. It was quite a sight to behold. Kirk was lovingly holding the phone up to her ear each time someone wanted to tell her they loved her. One of the last calls was from Uncle Gary. He was unable to make the trip down to see her because of a medical condition, but he called and read his Mother's Day card to her. It included a poem and she made a few responsive noises while he was reading. I'm SURE she could hear him.

(*DISCLAIMER to my family-This is my side of a story that I'm sure has many sides. Please don't be offeneded if you heard something different, as I know there could be many perspectives into this event.*)

I never want to forget yesterday. Ever. It had such a profound impact on the meaning of my life. It was one of the best days I've ever experienced and one of the worst. It's a day I never want to experience again, though I most likely will.

Rewind. My Grandma Smith has had Alzheimer's for about 4 1/2 years now. The last year and a half she has gone downhill very quickly. There have been days where my grandpa calls me crying that he can't take it anymore. My dad has spent countless hours over at their house just to keep Grandpa sane. I have taken dinner to them once a week for the past year and made many visits, some with my kids, some without to act as a diversion. It's tough to deal with someone who's memory is failing. Really tough.

A couple months ago Grandpa finally decided it was going to drive them both to the grave if he didn't put her in a care center. He just needed a break. Understandable. He needed to be able to go and be with her, but then leave and have some peace of mind that she was taken care of without having to battle about whether he was REALLY her husband or not and other things like that.

Right after all the paperwork was complete to have her admitted to the care center, but before it had actually taken place, Grandma broke her arm. She was trying to open the sliding glass door at home and when she used a fair amount of force, her arm just snapped. Weird, right? Until you hear how this plays out.

Grandpa took her to the hospital, where she stayed for a few days. Then, the doctor recommended she be moved to Kolob Rehabilitation and Care Center. This was such a blessing. Can you imagine trying to take your companion of 60 years, dump him/her at the door of a care center and saying, "I'll come visit when I can!" That's what my grandpa was struggling with.

Grandma soon accepted her new room as "home". Grandpa brought in some pictures and hung them on the wall and made it quite homey. She was in some pain because of her arm, but the staff did a good job keeping her comfortable and on the road to recovery.

Aunt Jody came to stay and help Grandpa. Soon they noticed that she was declining. Physically, there was nothing wrong with her, except her broken arm. Last week, on Tuesday or Wednesday, she talked about the "light" and called out to her "Mom and Daddy", who are both deceased. There was some questioning as to if she was going to give up her fight, but physically she was still doing well. My mom, younger sisters and I had planned to go to Women's Conference at BYU for the weekend, so even though we were a little concerned there was a chance she might pass away, we went. We knew she'd want us to. :)

Stay tuned for Part Two tomorrow...

Family Pics - The "REAL" sneak peek!

I won a family photo session for New Year's and we finally kept everyone well enough to get it done. Thanks SO much to Stefanie Stratton at SugarSnap Photography for taking these awesome pics! Just a few of them:



Who is this grown-up handsome guy?

What a stud muffin! (Remember that phrase? LOL)

My sweet, sweet boy.

She loved the "popcorn" on the trees!

Who could resist this face? I wanna squeeze those cheekies!

This is one of may favs.

Family pictures

OK, so that line was really a teaser. I know a lot of you saw the title pop up and were hoping to SEE our new family pictures. Not yet! Monday is the day. Here's a sneak peak of what we'll be wearing though. HoORaY fOr sPriNg!I'll post the family pics as soon as I get them back!

Cute little lady

I captured a little of the "cuteness" from this little one this week and wanted to share. She has such a great disposition and is just plain fun! It makes me very sad that she is almost 10 months old. (Sorry, I try not to make the blog all about the baby, but sometimes it just happens!)